Wednesday, August 31, 2005

How to take care of a cat (instructions for a moron).

September 1, 2005.

Care and Feeding of “Deuce”


Litter Box (Den/TV room at end of the hall on your right):

1. There are four (4) clips, one (1) at each corner of the box, flip them all up so you can remove the top.
2. Once the top is removed, take “poop scoop” and run it through the gravel to collect all waste material. Place waste in white kitchen garbage bag. See kitchen table for supplies.
3. Take bag and tie it up in a knot. CLOSE BOX. Do not use twist-ties!
4. Take bag to garbage chute. The chute is located past the elevator and on your right (door marked “incinerator”). Open door and drop bag to its demise.

DO NOT IMPROVISE by using a shopping bag; the weight of the “poop” will break the bag causing a scary mess.


1. Take dinner bowl to bathroom and spill food items into toilet. Wipe off bowl with a tissue and throw that into the toilet as well. Do not use too many tissues as this may clog the toilet. J-cloth in bathroom can be used for his bowl.
2. Open one (1) package of Sheba and cut it up using his spoon with the wooden handle and put it on the floor in his room. He will eat this directly out of the container.
3. Take one bowl to the kitchen and fill it approximately half full with Whiskas (Seafood Selections) kibble.
4. Take other bowl and fill it with water. Make sure the water is cold. Do not add ice cubes, as he will fling them around the room.
5. Take completed bowls back to the den and place them next to the excer-cycle. Deuce may jump on you, as his supper is now ready. Watch your feet, he may bite or swat as a reminder that “Master is waiting”.
6. Congratulations, you have fed and de-pooped the cat!

If he has an accident or has a furball, there is a can of pet carpet cleaner (Spot Shot) in the coat closet on the top shelf and the vacuum cleaner is in the cedar closet. Just clean up what you can, spray the rug (his usual place to have a fur ball) with Spot Shot, let it set in for a few seconds and then pat the rug dry with paper towel.